It's been a month.

I said I was going to make a post and here it is.

It's been a month since SHINee's Jonghyun left us. The past month has been so surreal.

Like I mentioned in my last blog post, I had a hard time digesting the news of his passing. I kept hoping that it was some kind of stupid joke when I saw the news on my phone. In my mind there was no way someone who seemed so bright and cheerful on the outside could be hurting so much to the point of ending it all.

People keep saying that Jonghyun's depression was obvious since he kept mentioning it but as someone who has stopped following SHINee for a while now and only sees them when they have a comeback on music or variety shows, I had no idea at all that he was depressed. I guess it's my fault for not caring enough to know that behind his playfulness on screen lied a person who was hurting behind the scenes. 

The last time I saw him was on Weekly Idol. I remember being so happy to see them dance to Sherlock 2x the speed because that was my favourite song of theirs. Jonghyun was how I'd remember him being when he appeared on the show previously. Everyone was having a blast. So to go from seeing that image of him to seeing news of his death months later was... shocking. 

I keep going back to the same points, I'm sorry. I just don't know how to formulate everything into one coherent er, essay.

So instead, I'll do what I always do: write a letter.

Dear Jonghyun,

When I was in High School, there was a point in time where I liked SHINee so much that I would anticipate your appearances on music and variety shows. But being a noob, I thought that you were named "JongKey" at first until my friend told me that it was a combination of yours and Key's name. Silly right? 

Then I fell out of love and stopped following you guys that much. I'd see you guys on Weekly Idol from time to time and have a good laugh. Remember when you guys went on SNL Korea and recreated Minho's introductory rap? That was really really funny and nostalgic. This just shows that I never really did cut you guys completely out of my life.

I don't know how I'll feel when I see SHINee on variety shows again in the future and notice that you're not there with them anymore. 

I won't ask you why you chose to leave. I just wish that you are happy wherever you are now and that you're not hurting anymore. For someone who was my source of happiness during my tumultuous High School years, even for a brief period of time, I am sorry that I couldn't have been the same for you. Please, be happy, not for anybody's sake but for yours.

We will miss you and remember you in our hearts, Jonghyun. 
So please rest well.

You've worked hard.

As much as I envy you for having the courage to leave, I will carry your spirit and keep on moving forward for as long as I live. 

Thank you and goodbye.

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Quick Update! 10 | 01 | 2018

Just a quick update because I've realised that I've neglected this blog for quite some time!

• I have an mpu exam this coming Friday but I don't really want to study for it because it's not worth it and my course work will probably be enough to let me pass anyway.

• My 20th birthday is coming soon! It'll be time to say goodbye to my 1x years and welcome my 2x years, I'll try to enjoy my 20s before my 30s arrive.

• To be honest, December 2017 and the past week have been really rough for me. I've been depressed almost every week but I'm trying to cope with it by buying stuff on impulse. The night after Jonghyun ( R.I.P ) left, I decided on a whim to buy temporary tattoos because I couldn't handle the pain of it all. I was depressed even before the news and after that was just... rough. Anyway, fate tried to stop me from buying the tattoos because I had a problem with payment and the debit card's website being closed for maintenance until 12 am but I persisted and eventually bought it at 1 am. The tattoos are now sitting in my cupboard.

• Also related to my impulse buying habit, my aunt gave each of us RM100 to buy ourselves Christmas presents and I haven't used mine yet. I'm thinking of buying Infinite's new album tonight because it's been I think, 5(?) years since I bought their Paradise Repackaged Album ( which at the time cost me around RM50 but now it's RM180??? ). I have people around me saying "oh what's the use of buying albums in this day and age" but like, there's something special about owning a physical version of the songs of the group you love. Not trying to shade GD or anything but I'd much rather have an album that I can flip through without having to turn on my laptop and plug in the USB. Most of the time, I don't have the mood to go on my laptop when I'm depressed.

• I miss my college's computer lab. #BringBackTheCompLabB*C2018

• I really want to pierce my ears for some reason. And it's been 2 years doc, when can I take off my braces? I miss seeing my teeth without them.

• Wanted to try wearing contacts for a change but my right eye's astigmatism is too high so it's quite blurry. I don't think I'll be able to wear them often because it's so inconvenient to have a blurry eye. Maybe I shouldn't wear contacts... Or maybe I should just buy daily ones?

That's it for now! I still have to study for MPU so I'll just end the post here. 

Here's to a better year and hopefully 2018 will get me out of the funk I've been in for the past month.

Oh and I'm still going for piano lessons by the way. I don't know how long I'll last but we'll see. My teacher keeps pushing me to perform and I kind of messed up the last performance but it wasn't as bad as the last one, hehe.

Till the next post, bye!

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Sadness?

Yesterday ( 18th of December 2017 )... SHINee's Jonghyun committed suicide.
May his soul rest in peace.
I'll save my thoughts on his passing away for a separate post because I need to get some stuff off of my chest first.

I don't have clinical depression. At least I think I don't based on what other people go through even though cases may vary between different people. Like there's always a reason for me being depressed, I don't need medication, and other stuff to prove that I don't have it. Yet whenever people like me who aren't diagnosed with clinical depression tweet or talk about being depressed, others would just think we are "attention seekers".

I can't speak for everyone but yes, whilst I do tweet about being depressed to "seek attention", I mostly do it to get rid of the negative energy building up inside of me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and I'll continue to cry myself to sleep. But when morning comes, you won't be able to see the me who posted those tweets the night before because I- along with others - have noticed that when I'm depressed, I get super cheery the day after. Like, laugh-at-everything-even-the-non-funny-jokes type of "cheery".This momentum would last about a few days before it'll come crashing down and I'll fall into the dark pit again. 

What I'm trying to say is, don't take away people's only platform to rant their feelings. If you think we are "seeking attention"  and that we should stop because "we aren't clinically depressed and aren't on medication every day", you most likely wouldn't be able to say the same when you see us in person. It would be as if those tweets or statuses didn't exist. Most of the time, we just wanna vent our thoughts without caring about who will see what we wrote. So no, we aren't always seeking attention, and even if we were, why is that a bad thing? Why is it that people with depression are encourage to seek help but when it comes to us "normal depressed folk", we aren't entitled to?

My thoughts are really messy right now, I can't think straight.

Even though I don't think about dying every day, and I'm not in pain every day, when it comes, it hurts. "It" as in the wave of sadness and despair. I've spent countless nights crying, sometimes loud enough to be heard from outside yet when I got older, no one bothered to knock on my door and ask if I'm okay. There were times I couldn't handle the sadness and wanted to let the physical pain take over, yet being the coward that I was, instead of taking a blade to the arm, I used a thumbtack instead and pierced my arm not too deep but deep enough to draw a little bit of blood and leave scars. Sometimes I'd accidentally forget about the scars and wear short sleeved shirts, but whilst I would eventually realise that my scars were visible, no one ever asked about them. 

I try to be happy for everyone's sake, I really do. But it's hard.
It's so hard to keep smiling and texting as if everything's okay. I don't even know if my efforts are worth it to be honest since no one cares about me anyway.

I don't know.

If one day, I finally have the courage to leave this world on my own accord, I hope that someone will find this blog post of mine and hopefully be able to understand why I chose to leave the way I did. 

But until then, I'll just have to deal with whatever comes my way, I guess.

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Short Story based on my dream:

A dark, underground subway platform, its floors lined with equally distant squares of bricks that had dirt and plants in them, their heights reaching up to that of my waist. Not a very practical design, but they did give a touch of colour to the otherwise black and grey area.

I walked beside Zhao Tian Yu on the narrow walkway, a group of our peers following from behind. We were making small talk to pass the time in the dimly lit platform.

"How many watches do you have?" He asked, in our shared mother tongue that was Mandarin.

My brows wrinkled as I tried to recount the number. "Hmm, two I guess? But only one of them is functioning." He nodded his head at my reply and we continued walking, to where exactly was a mystery to me.

I didn't notice when he started to increase his pace until it was too late. In the span of a few minutes, Zhao Tian Yu went from walking by my side to running at full speed into the part of the platform that wasn't lit at all, leaving me behind without any sort of explanation as to his sudden behaviour whatsoever.

As shocked as I was, I quickly regained my senses and started to chase after him, my feet soon aching from the speed I was going. 

"Zhao Tian Yu! Zhao Tian Yu!" I yelled over and over again, in the hopes that he'd stop in his tracks, my energy depleting as I continued to do so. He however, kept on running ahead at the same speed, if not faster, as if my incessant screaming was either not loud enough to reach his ears, or not enough to make him snap out of whatever trance he was in. 

I watched helplessly as the darkness began to consume his tiny, advancing figure like a hungry monster devouring its first catch of the day and silently cursed myself for not being able to run any faster than I was, for it seemed as though I wasn't going to make it, wasn't going to save him from getting eaten. Eyes watery, hair messy, I fought against the urge to stop and pushed forward.

It didn't take long before he was completely out of my sight, much to my horror. I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to process the thought that he was gone. My sanity was slowly slipping away as I frantically tried to think of ways to get him back.

Just then, I heard a cry. "The wolf is coming!"

I snapped out of my thoughts and turned around to face the group of people who had trailed behind us in the beginning. Each and every one of them looked frightened upon hearing those words being uttered. Their loud chats quickly turned into quiet whispers, but instead of walking to safety, they simply stood in place, making me wonder if these people weren't as afraid as they seemed to be. 

My curiosity was satisfied when out of nowhere, a tiger appeared on the platform. Yes, a tiger. Its presence brought upon a calming effect to everybody which was evident by the loosened expressions on their faces. Well, everybody except me that is, for that friend of mine was still missing and a part of me told me that something awful was going to happen. No wonder they weren't scared of this "wolf" though, because a tiger was there to protect them.

The tiger roamed the platform aimlessly, the "wolf" nowhere in sight just yet. Was there even a wolf? Or was it just another case of "the boy who cried wolf"? I was agitated. My best friend was missing yet this "wolf" comes and jumbles up my thoughts even more, as if they weren't jumbled enough in the first place. 

Suddenly, I spotted 2 figures running towards us. A human figure and an animal one to be exact. The human was running at a lightning speed, making it almost impossible for me to get a good glimpse of his or her face. The animal's speed was no slower than the human's, the distance between them growing shorter with each second.

My heart leapt out of my chest when I was finally able to discern the human's face. It was none other than my missing best friend - Zhao Tian Yu, and the animal that was pursuing him was the wolf itself. 

Before I could do anything though, the wolf pounced onto him, bringing him to his knees and sank its teeth into him. I froze, not knowing how to react to the situation. A brave soul tried to pry the wolf off of him by putting his arms around its body and pulling it, but the bloody animal just wouldn't let go. Even as Zhao Tian Yu himself kept struggling to break free with a pained look, the wolf stuck to him like glue, refusing to give up on its prey.

The blood trickling down his arm was enough to trigger something within me. An overwhelming feeling of anger soon replaced that of despair, and forthwith I chanted what seemed to be a spell in a foreign language. It felt like I was being possessed at the spur of the moment.

The next thing I knew, we were back to seconds before the wolf's attack happened. When the wolf was about to make its move, I hurriedly pointed my wand - which origins were not of my knowledge - at it. Instantly, the brave soul from before body slammed the wolf and 
subdued it just before it could get to Zhao Tian Yu as the latter came to a halt, his knees giving way the moment he stopped. A few people came to his aid, lifting his head up to let him breathe more easily as well as checking on his condition.

I observed him from afar, the light shining down on his face making it clear for me to see, not wanting to go over just yet. The guilt from almost losing him was eating away at me from the inside. What if I hadn't been lucky? Would he be... dead? Was I really that useless of a friend?

And where was the tiger when you needed it anyway?

Closing my eyes, I decided it was my turn to be ingested by the monster.

The monster that was darkness.

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Update 04 | 09 | 2017

Hi.

It's the night before the start of uni and I decided, hey, why not write a blog post before I go to sleep since I probably wouldn't be able to sleep anyway even if I went to bed early.

My thoughts are quite jumbled right now so this post is going to be much more random and messier than my last few posts, as if they weren't random and messy as well, heh.

A2 was... to say the least, a fairly okay ride. I did not have as much breakdowns as I was expecting myself to have since A Levels is notorious for being hard. Admittedly, I got very very scared when I failed my mocks just a month before the actual exam and those were when my breakdowns would happen but other than that, it was a pretty smooth first half of the year.

Wow, let's talk about results day shall we? It was a day which started off fine, I went to Midvalley in the afternoon, had an expensive lunch which hurt my purse and my poor heart ( I had no choice as I went with my friend and her friends whom were craving western food ), then queued up at Chizu for almost an hour just to get a drink ( in my defence, there was a buy 1 free 1 offer ). Just before I got to order my drinks though, the people before me were so slow that I couldn't help but get frustrated since it was time for us to collect our results.

I remember that moment very clearly, the moment I waited in queue to collect my results. There were surprisingly only 3 people before me, unlike the last time when I waited at the back of the room for my turn. As I stepped up to take the results slip from the lecturer who sat in front of me, my heart was pounding in my chest. It wasn't until I saw her smile and congratulate me when I finally let go of the breath I didn't even know I was holding, and took a glance at the slip.

3 Bs. 

I hid the smile that started to creep onto my face, refusing to leave no matter how hard I tried, behind the piece of paper, out of consideration for those who weren't as pleased with their results as I was. To many, 3 Bs might be disappointing, but to me it was enough. Flashbacks to the days where I would come out of the exam hall feeling like I did not do that well, feeling as if the highest I would score was a C, as well as feeling really tired and useless came to mind. Indeed, 3 Bs was beyond my expectations.

I was satisfied with my own results, yet the people around me... weren't.

"How could you aim so low?"

"No As?"

"But your friend got As."

I bet the ones who said that to me to this day don't know, how rough the night was for me.
Truth be told, I wanted to end it all then and there, but my own cowardice held me back. 
So, since I couldn't do what I didn't have the guts to do, I searched for an alternative: I decided to let the physical pain override the emotional one. Yet, even that didn't do the trick.

To this day, I feel like a part of me died that night. 

You might think I'm being over-dramatic but... Results days have always been my weakness since they all ended with me sinking into despair during the night, all because the people around me weren't satisfied with my results when I was fine with them. I thought that since I got 3 Bs this time, the day wouldn't end the same way as when I got my results for SPM and AS.

What a silly thought.

Anyway, I'm sorry for such a heavy update. I usually get very emo during the night. 

I want to end this post on a positive note...

Worry not, as I'll try harder to become a stronger person, I promise.

And to the people who are going through what I am going through, I can't promise you that things will get better, because even I'm not so sure of that, but all I can say is: Live for yourself, not for others, which is basically: be selfish if you have to. That's how I survived that hell of a week and I hope that it will help you survive as well.

Let's hope the next post will be a happier one, shall we?

Till the next one,

Bye!

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My K-Drama Recommendations ( for now, will add more later )

In no particular order:

White Christmas

Genre: Mystery, Thriller

Setting: High School  

Deep in the mountains of Gangwon, the private, elite Soo-sin High School is attended by the top 1% of students in the country. Their stellar marks are the result of constant pressure and a strict punishment system, to the point where students avoid any activities outside of studying. It is in this atmosphere that seven students and a teacher remain at school for the winter break, joined by Kim Yo-han (Kim Sang-kyung), a psychiatrist who was forced to take shelter with them after he was injured in a car accident nearby. Stranded from heavy snow, they spend eight days together ― from Christmas Eve to New Year's Day.

Park Mu-yeol (Baek Sung-hyun) is an honor student who chooses to remain in school during the winter break after receiving an abusive letter. Jo Young-jae (Kim Young-kwang) is a detested bully who attacks other people to hide his inferiority complex. Yoon Soo (Lee Soo-hyuk) is a disturbed, but rich student fronting a rock band. Yoon Eun-sung (Esom) was once a popular girl in school before having a sudden change of personality.^[3]

At a time when everyone else is celebrating the holidays, the students realise that the anonymous letters they each received were not the result of a harmless prank; there is a murderer in their midst. A question lies unspoken: Are monsters created, or are humans born monsters?^[4]

My thoughts: This is the kind of drama that gets you to reflect on your morals in all of the episodes so if you're the kind of person who doesn't like using their brain juices when watching dramas, I think this drama will only bore you. Also, this drama does not have romance in it but it does have some comedic moments to lighten up the atmosphere when things get too tense. Though there's no romance, I find the bonds that are formed between the characters as the drama goes on to be quite heartwarming. The last episode had me in tears. Actually, most of the episodes did.

My friends have asked me about the type of ending that White Christmas has. I responded by saying that it's all a matter of perspective. To me, the drama had a good ending, but that's just because I have a twisted mind and morals that aren't black and white. 

"On the night when Christ was born, I curse you."

 Hello Monster

Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Police Procedural, Romance

No specific setting, mostly in the police station iirc.

Genius profiler Lee Hyun (Seo In-guk), returns home to Korea after something from a case he’s been sent triggers a memory he thought he’d lost forever. Unbeknownst to him, one of his team members, Detective Cha Ji-an (Jang Na-ra), has been investigating him for some time. She is aware that his father was murdered and his brother disappeared under mysterious circumstances involving a criminal named Lee Joon Young (Do Kyung Soo) -- whom they both want found and incarcerated. Each seeks to unravel the other, unaware that they’ve been drawn into a dangerous game of cat and mouse by a master player and that both truth and evil are closer and far more twisted than they think.

My thoughts: THIS DRAMA was just... amazing. The cast was amazing, the storyline was amazing-- basically everything was AMAZING imo ( even though I felt like the romance was a bit unnecessary ) . You will feel the pain that each of the characters had gone/are going through and it will hurt. I dare say that you will even sympathise with the criminal that is Lee Joon Young. 

Ah, the mind games in both White Christmas and Hello Monster... In both dramas, the predator is always looking for the answer to his question ( one using a more extreme way than the other ):

"Are monsters born? Or are they created?"

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Update 31 | 12 | 2015

I must confess, blogging on a regular basis is not my thing. Shall we start?

1. I went to Cambodia on the 11th of December and came back on the 16th of December. Now, I have to admit, I was pretty scared of going there for a few months prior just because pretty much 60% of the blogs that you'll find about Cambodia are saying negative stuff like " Oh I was robbed in Cambodia" or " Oh Cambodia is not safe any longer " or " Cambodia people are a bunch of pickpockets ". 
I'm going to go into rant mode now:

WTF IS THIS OKAY THIS IS NOT OKAY.
WHY ARE THE TOP BLOGS ALL SPOUTING NEGATIVE SHIT WHEN IN ACTUALITY, CAMBODIA ISN'T EVEN AS SCARY AS THEY MADE IT OUT TO BE. LIKE WTF, I WAS SO SCARED TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO CANCEL MY FLIGHT JUST BECAUSE EVERY-FREAKING-BODY CHOSE TO EMPHASISE ON THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF THEIR TRIP INSTEAD OF THE POSITIVE ONES.

Cambodia, or Siem Reap to be more exact, is not scary depending on how you view it. The people there are friendly, the streets are relatively safe ( even Angkor Wat is quite safe I'd say ), the food there is quite tasty ( I liked the Khmer food but my mum wasn't a fan of it ) and cheap ( well, depending on which country you're living in... ) and so forth ( DID I MENTION THERE'S WIFI IN ALMOST EVERY RESTAURANTTTT ).

It really depends on how you look at things. Scary or not, you be the judge.

tl:dr Cambodia is a great place to visit and isn't as scary as other bloggers make it out to be. Oh and be prepared for the weather there 'cause it was veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hot. 

2. Then I went to Singapore on the 25th of December and came back on the 27th of December and although it pains me to say this but, I was really let down when I got there.
The shopping malls were too small for my liking and the food there was just not up to my standards and I could go on and on but it would be too disrespectful so I'll just stop here. Maybe it's because I'm not a Singaporean so that's why I didn't get to go to any tasty places to try out their foods??? I don't know. All I know is that I was so disappointed throughout the 2 days I spent there.

We didn't even go to Universal Studios because it was so expensive... Hopefully I'll be able to go to Osaka's next year, heh.

3. It's 12:25am now, which means it's the last day of 2015...

You know what 2015, I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss my days in High School as a Senior.

I'm going to miss my friends.

I'm going to miss being able to screw up and hide under the "she's just a teen" tag.

I'm going to miss being worry-free about my life.

I'm going to miss not having that many responsibilities.

I'm going to miss having my parents pay for everything 'cause I don't have a job.

etc...

And most of all,




I'm going to miss being a teenager.

Thank you 2015, for being such a great year. 

Thank you.

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Update 10 | 09 | 2015

Finally, trial exams are over!! I kid you not, it has been an EXTREMELY stressful 2 and a half weeks, particularly due to me doing revision at the last minute, but let's not dwell on such heavy topics shall we? It's time forrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr an update!

1. I was lucky enough to go to High Court 2 months ago as well as Brickfields to get to learn more about law. We went to High Court first ( my friends weren't with me as they visited a hospital the day before ) and had the chance to be in a real courtroom! We weren't allowed to take pictures though as it was against the law... And I got to sit in the witness stand because everyone else took the seats for lawyers and criminals! The lawyer there even encouraged me to recite the oath witnesses usually recited during court with my right hand up, which I did. The seat was also quite comfy~

After that, we went to witness a civil case in court which was very awkward I have to admit. The case was about a famous pet shop company (?) suing one of their former employees for sharing company secrets. One of the lawyers was talking halfway when we went in, and when she turned around only to find that she had an audience, the look on her face was so funny. She looked genuinely shocked, but quickly regained posture and sat down. The others found it boring, whilst I found it intriguing. "Ahh, this is what court's like," I thought. I mean, what did they expect? People throwing temper tantrums left and right?

Then we went to Brickfields Asia College and I was super pissed the moment I got there. Long story short, 2 people accused me of cutting queue to get lunch when IT WAS AN ACCIDENT and I got angry because those 2 assholes didn't bother to check their facts with their own 2 pair of working eyes. Anyway, we played some games there and listened to a few lectures, then proceeded to tour the college.

That awkward moment when after we got off the lift at one floor, we queued up to go into the students' lounge, but before going in, saw a couple having a full-on make out session on the couch opposite the blue-tinted glass doors. Everyone just stared at them in aghast until the couple eventually realised that there were kids watching them and went their separate ways. It was a very funny experience that I will never forget. It's been 2 months and I still haven't forgotten it~

2. My classmates and I went to take our pictures at this, half-park half-mall place for our school's yearbook ( which is not going to be published, as I was informed of yesterday, much to our dismay ). However, as it was considered private property, we weren't allowed to take pictures - well, not regular ones like selfies and stuff but professional ones - so a guard followed us around all day just to stop us. And when they lost track of us? Never mind, they would call another guard to tail us! My friends and I had fun diverting the guard's attention away from the ones who needed to have their photos taken after we'd finished taking ours. It worked at the start, but he soon realised that he was following the wrong group of people and changed direction. All in all, it was a fun, albeit tiring day which ended in dinner at a Nyonya restaurant. 

PS: Our class' hoodies are the best ~

EDIT: 08|12|15

I didn't manage to write down everything that day so I saved this post as a draft instead of publishing it..
Since it's been about 2-3 months(?), I've already forgotten the events that have occurred during the month of September. However, I've decided to go ahead and publish this draft even if it's quite short as the memories that I type here, on this blog - no matter how short or long they are - are still memories that should be kept.

Till the next post.

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Update 27 | 06 | 2015

Right now, I'm taking a break from piano practice because my hands hurt and I feel like crap. All I keep doing is screwing things up, and I'm worried if I'll be able to carry out a good performance tomorrow. 

On with the updates.  

1. School started 2 weeks ago, much to my displeasure. I've been sleeping late ever since due to homework and well, laziness to complete them before 10 o'clock. I'll be honest with you, these past 2 weeks have been rough. It isn't easy to survive on 4-5 hours of sleep everyday, for your information. What's worse is that the school has this "champion-group-study-thingy" going on every Wednesday in place of our co-curricular activities so I can't take naps on Wednesdays anymore ( that is, unless I skip it ). For this week's Wednesday, I had to wake up early to steam rice and fried chicken for school because we only had half an hour's time to eat before the champion-group-study-thingy started. It was a tiring and frustrating process as a) I didn't have enough sleep and b) I didn't know how to steam food. 

2. I have a performance tomorrow but for some unknown reason, my hands are refusing to co-operate at the last minute. I was fine before today, but now I can't stop screwing things up. Whether it's playing the wrong notes, or messing up the beat, I just can't not go wrong. It's quite upsetting really, and all I can do right now is hope that I'll be better tomorrow, as late as it is. 

Anyway, the concert I'm performing in is held by the boss at the piano centre I'm attending. The theme of it is "movies in concert", pretty interesting isn't it? I've been attending rehearsals at the centre for a few months now, and they were pretty fun even though I didn't know who any of my fellow performers were, and you know how awkward I am around strangers (internal sighs). One of them even told me that when I was around them, I had a poker face on, but once I see my friends I have this huge smile on my face. Yup, that's how awkward I am. Everyone's friendly though, so it's all good. I can even say that I'm not as distant around them as I used to be when we first started rehearsing.

When I went to the rehearsals in May at a famous primary school somewhere nearby, I had the opportunity to see the performances beforehand. Needless to say, I was blown away by them. Even if there were some mistakes here and there ( including mine ), it was still an enjoyable rehearsal. It's a pity that I didn't get to watch them until the end because I had to leave early. Oh well, I can do that tomorrow, I suppose. 

The best part is that 2 of my friends are performing too so I won't be alone tomorrow :D 1 of them has a solo, and I think she did a pretty darn good job. I wish I was as good as her too, but then again I'm not as interested in playing the piano as she is so maybe that's why I'm not that good. 

May things go smoothly tomorrow.

3. I PASSED PHYSICS. PRAISE THE HEAVENLY LORDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

4. Last week, my English teacher asked me to write an article for the school magazine ( which I'm quite hesitant to do because let's be real here, nobody reads the school's magazine ) and although I did manage to write a short story last Sunday, I just couldn't bring myself to hand it in because I felt like it wasn't good enough. Nay, it IS NOT good enough. My friend said it was too negative, but I don't care about that ( that isn't to say that I wasn't bothered in the slightest because I was. I mean, what's so wrong with writing a "negative" story? Suicide isn't a positive topic, ya' know. Whatever ). What I care about is that the storyline isn't what I'd wanted it to be. I imagined a more dramatic telling of the events that had transpired, however due to the page limit the school magazine has for each student, I had to reduce it to 3 pages, resulting in a VERY short short story that isn't detailed enough. It felt bland, like spaghetti without seasoning. I'm thinking of writing a more detailed version just to satisfy myself.

As for the one I'll possibly submit, well, I'm going to have to write another story then. Hopefully this time, it will be as good as I want it to be.


/I'll add more updates for the month of June later if there are any/

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The WORST book I have ever read.

Judging by the title of this post, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm going to write about today.

So, last night at around 11.30 pm, I got in bed with a book in my hand, at the same time feeling excited to finally be able to venture into another, fictional world. I snuggled up in my blanket and made myself comfortable by resting my back against two pillows before finally opening the book to read it. Little did I know what was in stored for me.

You know that feeling when, after a few pages of reading, you know that something's wrong and that in no time, you'd want to throw that book across the room to vent your frustrations? That was exactly how I felt when I was only a few pages in. However, even though I felt that way, I couldn't not finish it because 1) it was a present from my cousins and 2) I was curious okay? So I kept on reading, hoping that the plot would somehow get better as the book progressed. 

BOY WAS I WRONG. JUST THINKING ABOUT IT PISSES ME OFF. ( And if my cousins happen to come across this post for whatever reasons, I'm sorry that you guys wasted your hard-earned money on this shitty book, nay, it doesn't even deserve to be called a "book" )  NOT ONLY DID THE PLOT NOT GET BETTER, BUT THE WRITING WAS A MESS AND THE ENDING WAS A BLOODY OPEN, SHITTY ENDING.

But wait, how are you supposed to relate to my feelings when you don't even know how shitty this book is? When you haven't spent 5 hours reading it, losing sleep and having nightmares because of it? Well, let me tell you ALL ABOUT IT. Be prepared, there's going to be a LOT of profanity and caps locks in the next couple of paragraphs.

Let's start with what made me feel put-off yeah? What made me think that this "book" was going to be a horrible one within the first few pages of reading it was the pacing. It was too fast. Everything seemed to happen so quickly, leaving me, the reader, no time to process what had just happened. The characters in the book were thrown together so hastily within a short time period that it made me want to scream: " STOP, JUST STOP!". If you don't understand what I'm trying to say, well, allow me to dive into the plot of this "book" in order to make you understand.

This book starts with a "guy" getting chased by the male mc, whose job is to catch monsters. Turns out, this "guy" is actually a monster who's trying to escape from the clutches of the great monster reaper. As expected, he was caught by the male mc despite his pleas to be freed so that he can be with his gf. As he was being dragged by the mc, the "guy" then curses him by saying that one day he will experience the pain of falling in love with a human girl who wouldn't love him back. Upon hearing this, the mc didn't give a damn, and proceeded to lock the "guy" up in a cage, transforming him back to his true form- he is a monster after all. 

YOU WOULD"VE THOUGHT THAT THIS "GUY" WOULD PLAY A BIG PART IN THE PLOT LATER ON BUT NO. What's the whole point of this prologue if it's so INSIGNIFICANT AND IRRELEVANT TO THE PROGRESS OF THE PLOTTTTT???!!!!!!!

/sighs/ Moving on to the actual start of the story. The story starts with the female mc going into this "pet shop" that's owned by- you guessed it- the male mc. Female mc spots a cute puppy with snow-white fur quivering in its cage, and whilst inspecting it up close, out comes the male mc. Skimming through their convo, the female mc ends up keeping the puppy for a month after the male mc threatened to cook the puppy if she didn't keep it. He also asked her to join her as his monster-catching helper, but was rejected. After that, female mc goes home, only to be greeted by the sight of a ghost on her balcony. The ghost asks her:" Can you see me? Can you hear me?" in a cheerful tone. Female mc - clearly frightened - chases him away and says that he's not welcomed in her home. Skimming through some parts, the ghost goes away, feeling dejected.

- Bloody hell, do you get it now? Girl meets male mc, then IMMEDIATELY meets male side char ON THE SAME DAY. Okay, i have to confess that there's a reasonable explanation to this later on BUT LIKE, CAN YOU GIVE ME TIME TO BREATHE FIRST BEFORE SHOVING ALL OF THESE CHARS DOWN MY THROAT?

Female mc goes to school the next day, not knowing that the puppy was in her bag all along. During history class, her friend - female side char - starts to talk to her about the puppy that was sleeping in the female mc's desk drawer. She could sense that the puppy wasn't an ordinary puppy and warns the female mc to stay away from the pet shop. The female mc responds by assuring her that she'll be fine. Then, when school had ended, she goes to the pet shop to ask the male mc to revert the puppy back to its original, human-like form. The male mc refuses, much to her anger, and she vows to do it herself once she finds a way. After that, she goes back home, only to find the same ghost from before squatting in front of her door. She ignores him and enters her home, with him locked outside. The reason he couldn't enter was because of the wards she placed on her door as well as other parts of her home. Few minutes later, the ghost gets dragged away by the "ghoul king", thus making the female mc feel guilty for not letting him in.

Skipping A LOT OF PARTS here ( since I don't want to remember everything anyway ), ghost returns, gets to live with female mc, constantly says he's hungry and asks to be fed. Female mc encounters a crying girl in her school who happens to be the gf of the "guy" in the prologue. She tells the girl that it's pathetic of her to be crying over a guy and advises her on ways to find him ( she told the female mc that her bf was missing ). Blah blah blah, girl asks female mc to save her bf since she's tried everything she recommended only to have made no progress, female mc is annoyed but eventually accepts her request, goes to the pet shop, "guy" runs out in his human-like form and bumps into her, begs her to save him, BLAH BLAH BLAH. In the end, in exchange for his freedom, she agrees to become the male mc's monster-catching helper for 3 years.

BLAH BLAH BLAH, "guy" is freed, reunited with gf, we're introduced to the male side char who obviously has a crush on the female mc and is the prefect of the school. Turns out, he's the female mc's saviour when she was trapped in the corner of her home whilst watching her parents get eaten by a pair of evil spirits. After carrying her out of that hellhole, he does everything for her ( I'm too lazy to elaborate on this tbh ). He warns her to not go to that pet shop, blah blah blah ( I really can't remember much ).

So, the first task she has to do after becoming the male mc's monster-catching helper is to inspect the dead flowers in her school. Apparently they didn't die naturally but by supernatural means. When she was inspecting the flowerbed, the new guy at her school - who happens to be a celebrity - stands next to her, all the while murmuring a girl/guy(?)'s name. Female mc goes away, reports her findings to the male mc, blah blah blah, male mc tells her that he knows she's keeping a ghost in her house and asks her if she would believe him if he told her that the ghost was indeed him. Female mc doesn't believe him as he and the ghost have 2 separate personalities EVEN THOUGH THEY LOOK ALIKE EXCEPT FOR THE COLOUR OF THEIR HAIR. ( MALE MC'S IS BLACK, GHOST'S IS BLONDE ) LIKE, HOW DENSE DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO NOT NOTICE THAT!? EVEN IDENTICAL TWINS LOOK DIFFERENT IF YOU TAKE A CLOSER LOOK. Take Jack Harries and Finn Harries for example.

After female mc leaves, male mc's helper comes out and warns him that he's repeating the same mistake he made 400 years ago. Skipping lots of parts, ghost, puppy and female mc live together in utter bliss, female mc is made to complete her first task in school at night without the male char - as he's asleep /coughs/ important thing to note here /coughs/ -, encounters an evil spirit who tries to shoot her, is blocked by the ghost, ghost gets hurt, female mc gets pissed, wants to kill the evil spirit, ghost tells her not to as the evil spirit is being used by someone else to attack her, so female mc decides to purify the evil spirit, blah blah blah, evil spirit is purified, whispers something into the ghost's ear before it disappears. Ghost wouldn't tell female mc what it said.

I've forgotten a chunk of the plot after this, my apologies. So one day, during her school's carnival, the celebrity approaches her and asks her to free his gf who is trapped inside a mirror and is a monster without a gender. He claims that the monster told him it would choose to become a girl and stay by his side if he manages to free it. Remember when I said the female mc was attacked by an evil spirit earlier on? Yeah I forgot to mention that it has something to do with the celebrity's gf and the mirror she/he's stuck in. The ghost knows where the mirror is but refuses to tell the female mc where it is. Okay, now that that's settled, let's continue. Suddenly, the "guy" from the prologue breaks their convo and begs the female mc to save his gf who'strapped in one of the mirrors in the "mirror room" - one of the attractions of their carnival. So, female mc, ghost boy, celebrity and "guy" run to the mirror room, which is basically 4 mirrors arranged in a square in a dark room. 

Apparently if you stare into one of the mirrors, you will be able to see either the thing you fear the most, or your past(?) ( I forgot, heh ). "Guy" sees his gf dying a painful, gruesome death, ghost boy sees his past self lying on a bed of snow aaaaaaaand the celebrity's gf appears in the mirror. Let's call it M. The female mc orders "guy" to take the fainted celebrity out of the room - as to why he's fainted, I can't remember - and ghost boy is sucked into a black hole ( IMPORTANT THING TO NOTE ) Just then, the mirrors to begin to shatter and M uses the glass pieces to attack the female mc. Female mc uses her powers to defend herself but is barely hanging in there when male mc arrives to rescue her. Upon his arrival, M stops attacking the female mc as it is scared of the great monster catcher. Blah blah blah, the trapped gf of "guy" gets released and M disappears in fear. Female mc suspects that ghost boy's disappearance might have something to do with male mc and goes to find him to get an explanation out of him. Male mc says something along the lines of " I AM ghost boy " but of course, our precious mc doesn't get the memo. 

-This is getting too tiring, I've wasted an hour and a half just to write all of the above. I better end this soon. I haven't even started my rant.

Skipping to the female mc and male mc going into a forest to hunt a gigantic flying bird-monster. Female mc wonders why male mc bothers asking her for help when she's powerless against powerful monsters. After the bird is presumed to be frozen by the male mc's powers, he waits for the female mc to put it in the cage so he can bring it back to the land of monsters. Unfortunately, the bird-monster becomes un-frozen and attacks the female mc, successfully hurting her. The male mc, enraged by what had happened, attacks the bird and send it into a painful death by tormenting it with its own fireballs. Once it's dead, the male mc walks over to the female mc and heals her. Female mc is surprised by his actions, but is about to be even more surprised when he pulls her in for a kiss. Blah blah blah, the next day, the prefect pulls her into a room, confesses his love for her and kisses her with his hand on her eyes the entire time. Before she's able to say anything, he'd already left the room. Later that night, ghost boy kisses her out of jealousy because he'd witnessed the entire scene through M. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that M is living with the female mc because it begged her to help free it and she accepted its request only because she promised mr hotshot celebrity that she would bring it back to him. 

Okay, THIS IS BLOODY RIDICULOUS. 3 KISSES AND 3 CONFESSIONS IN THE SPAN OF A FEW PAGES. WTF IS THIS. WHAT. THE. FUDGE.

Can we skip to the end? Let's skip to the end. I feel like I've wasted enough time on this post.

Whilst searching for ghost boy in the streets at night, female mc is attacked by her "friend" from before ( the one who talked to her about the puppy ) and turns out, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL THE FEMALE MC WHEN SHE WAS AN INFANT BECAUSE SHE WAS JEALOUS OF HER ( more on that later ). AND JUST LIKE THAT, THE "WHO IS THIS POWERFUL KILLER WHO WANTS TO KILL THE FEMALE MC ARC" IS RESOLVED. IN A FEW SENTENCES. DO YOU KNOW HOW CHEAP THAT IS? THE AUTHOR MADE IT SEEM LIKE A BIG THING BUT TURNS OUT, THE ONLY REASON SHE WAS ALMOST-KILLED BY THIS SUPPOSEDLY HIGHLY SKILLED YIN YANG MASTER WAS BECAUSE SAID YIN YANG MASTER WAS JEALOUS OF HER STEALING HER SPOTLIGHT!!!!! Not because she could foil her evil plan with her powers or because she's the one who will destroy the realm of the monsters, but because SHE GETS ALL THE BLOODY ATTENTION. GAHHH THIS IS TOO PETTY OF A REASON TO KILL SOMEONE!!!!!

ANYWAY, after a near-death experience which involves a mermaid ( 2 near-death experiences in a row, what fun ), male mc - who saved her btw - asks to be repaid. All he needs is for his questions to be answered. 1) will she hate him if he gets rid of ghost boy and 2) will she ever love him. Female mc answers "yes" to the first question and "no" to the second one. Male mc is visibly hurt by her words but doesn't say anything. Few days later, "ghoul king" - who's the male mc's helper from before - comes to collect ghost boy. Female mc demands to know the reason behind it but he coldly tells her to ask the male mc for it if she's that curious. They leave. So, female mc decides to personally go to the pet shop and ask the male mc herself. 

As if expecting her arrival, she meets him and he tells her that he will show her what he means by " I am ghost boy ". He leads her into his bedroom and proceeds to sleep. Slowly, his body becomes translucent, and he's turned into ghost boy. After seeing the transformation firsthand, female mc is shocked. Turns out that ghost boy is what the male mc used to be like before he was betrayed by his gf 400 yrs ago and was banished to the human realm by the new king of the monsters after he got his throne stolen from him. Anyway, female mc and ghost boy embrace each other AND SHE CONFESSES HER FEELINGS FOR HIM. WTF. SHE TELLS HIM THAT SHE WILL LOVE HIM AND ONLY HIM ( MALE MC CAN SEE AND HEAR EVERYTHING GHOST BOY SEES AND HEARS ).

Male mc decides that he will get rid of ghost boy because he shouldn't have existed in the first place. Female mc is pissed but admits that no one would like to become a ghost every time they slept. However, she can't seem to not be pissed. So, when ghost boy stops coming to her house for about half a month, she knows that he's gone. ( OR DOES SHE ) She refuses to meet with the male mc as she's pissed at him for getting rid of ghost boy.

- Here's where I rant. OMG WTF IS THIS SHIT. WHAT IS THIS. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT EVEN IF GHOST BOY WASN'T THE MALE MC, A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A HUMAN AND A GHOST IS IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. WHATEVER THE TWO OF YOU HAVE WOULDN'T LAST, YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE HE IS A GHOST. YOU'D THINK AS A BLOODY HALF YIN YANG MASTER SHE'D KNOW THIS!!!! NEWSFLASH: HE'S DEAD. AND, MALE MC HAS TOLD YOU NUMEROUS TIMES THAT HE IS GHOST BOY BUT YOU BLATANTLY IGNORE HIS CLAIMS AND CONTINUE TO BE WITH GHOST BOY. GAHHHHHH THE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY IS SO HIGH THAT I CAN'T EVEN-

AS TO WHY GHOST BOY WOULD APPEAR BEFORE HER, YOU WILL GET IT LATER ON.

Let's move on shall we..

To summaries the final chapters: male mc returns to the realm of the monsters, M tells female mc that it's not safe for male mc to go there, female mc DECIDES TO GO TO THE REALM OF THE MONSTERS NOT BECAUSE OF MALE MC, NO, BUT BECAUSE OF GHOST BOY, WHO DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE GAHHHH!!!! HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT HE HAS GOTTEN RID OF GHOST BOY!?!?!?!?!? She meets the prince - aka the prefect who saved her when she was young - and is shocked. Blah blah blah, meets the male mc, male mc tells her once again that GHOST BOY IS DEAD, female mc ignores him. Meanwhile, female mc goes to the library to try and search for what happened 400 years ago. Obtains little bit of information. Blah blah blah. She meets the mermaid who tried to kill her and he offers her a proposition: he will get ghost boy back for her and get rid of male mc once and for all. She asks him what he would get in return. He replies by saying that he hates the male mc, so it's a fair deal. Female mc accepts his proposition.

Blah blah blah, after learning some new info, she confronts the prince, and he tells her that he was the one who killed the male mc's gf. He also tells her everything that transpired 400 years ago. On the contrary, the male mc's ex-gf didn't hate him, in fact she loved him so much that she wanted to give him his freedom by dethroning him and conspiring with the prefect to send him to the human realm where he would be free forever. What she didn't expect was for the prefect to betray her by confining the male mc for 100 years during his reign as prince. So, in order to give him the freedom he deserved, the male mc's ex-gf then conspired with evil spirits to attack the prefect, but ultimately failed doing so. As a result, the male mc's ex-gf vowed to gift her soul to the male mc by dying, and asks the mermaid whose arms she was dying in to tell the male mc to come back to the realm of the monsters when he doesn't hate her anymore. Plot twist: nearing the end of their war, the prefect fell in love with the male mc's ex-gf and tells the female mc that every time she's reborn, he would find her, protect her, tell her he loves her, only to get rejected by her over and over again because she falls in love with ghost boy every. single.time. You know where this is going right? BUT THE FEMALE MC DOES NOT BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T REALISE THAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT HER. ALL SHE DOES IS STARE AT HIM, CONFUSED.

HEY, YOU ARE THE GIRL HE'S TALKING ABOUT. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED ALL OF THIS. WAKE UP. YOU ARE THE REASON WHY GHOST BOY IS GHOST BOY BECAUSE YOU TURNED GHOST BOY INTO WHAT HE IS TODAY - A HEARTLESS, EMOTIONLESS, BROKEN-SPIRITED BOY. THE HAPPY, WARM, KIND GHOST BOY IS WHAT THE MALE MC USED TO BE AND YOU RUINED IT ALL BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO GIVE HIM YOUR SO-CALLED "FREEDOM".

Female mc and mermaid meet in the room where male mc is sleeping in so he could turn male mc into ghost boy forever. BUT TURNS OUT, IT WAS ALL A TRAP. I TOTALLY did NOT see that one coming. "You're so stupid" he tells the female mc, as he walks over to the sleeping male mc and prepares to kill him. Unfortunately for him, this was the female mc's trap, and the person sleeping on the bed isn't the male mc but her puppy. Blah blah blah ( I can't remember what happened ) male mc saves her whilst she blacked out and tells her that he killed the mermaid. He reminds her that she must accompany him to the human realm in a few days.

Okay, let's skip to the real end shall we?

Female mc and male mc get ambushed in the snowy forest. The wounded female mc decides it's best if they escape so she grabs the male mc's hand and runs. However, after running a short distance, the male mc decides it's better if he attacks them head-on - even though his powers have weakened - and lets go of the female mc's hand to run the opposite direction. The female mc didn't want him to sacrifice himself for her so she runs after him. Blah blah blah, the male mc meets the spirit of his ex-gf who tells him that she has loved him all along and begs for his forgiveness. The female mc is dumbfounded because she thought that she was supposed to be the reincarnation of the ex-gf. ( it was actually an illusion created by the prefect in order to fulfil her wish and allow her to undergo reincarnation at the same time ) Whilst all of this was going on, prefect and the mermaid - whose arms the ex-gf died in - were standing at a distance, taking in the scene before them. "Isn't it funny how not matter how many times she's reborn, the person she loves is always him?" the prefect asked, bitterly. 

EPILOGUE - the male mc and female mc are back in her apartment and he asks him why she didn't let go of his hand when they were in the woods. The female mc responds by asking him why he let go of her hand. " If I were to say that it was ghost boy who made me want to protect you, you would be happy wouldn't you?" he teased " Unfortunately he's dead and there's only me ". 

This is where I get really angry. THE FEMALE MC THINKS " WELL, I"LL STAY BY YOUR SIDE TO PROTECT GHOST BOY " HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT GHOST BOY IS DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!?!??!?!?!?! HOW MANY TIMESSS!?!?!?! 

HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES?!??!?!?!!??!?!?!?!!? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

To summarise all of the above: This book  piece of crap has crappy writing, crappy pace, a crappy plot, a lot of redundant characters, a lot of crappily resolved story arcs ( ex: the big reveal of the identity of the person who tried to murder the female char, the freeing of M from its mirror, the reunification of the male and his ex-gf etc ) as well as crappy characters. The male character was too obsessive, the female character was too dense and too dense and the other characters were just plot devices used to make the story "more exciting" and COMPLICATED. We don't get to fully know who the prefect is, who the female mc's "friend"/killer is etc because THEY WERE JUST THERE FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF THE PLOT.
You know what? Fudge you, you piece of crap. Thanks to you, I wasted 5 hours hoping for the plot to get better with every turn of the page because I desperately needed to have some closure before I went to sleep. In spite of that, not only did I not get any closure when I finished a chapter, the plot got worse and worse that it was impossible for me to go to sleep because I didn't want to sleep knowing that if I continue to read this the next night, I would be wasting my precious time reading a piece of garbage. So, I had to finish it in one go just so that I could feed my curiosity as well as sleep knowing that tomorrow night, I'd have something worth reading. Even if it did cost me a few hours of sleep.


... Fudge you. 




- This is the first time I have the urge to burn a book and/or rip it into shreds but I can't because it's a present and it's someone's hard-earned money. 

Thank your lucky stars that I wasn't the one who bought you you piece of crap, if not you would've been ripped and stepped on repeatedly before I proceed to throw you into the smelly bin where you belonged.

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Update 24|04|2015

I realised that I haven't done an update in a while, otl... 

1. Exams are coming up but I'm not prepared for them yet. This time, it's going to last for 2 weeks.

2. My parents and siblings are going back to my dad's hometown for his alma mater's 100th anniversary on 30th of April. Unfortunately for me, it's exam week so I can't follow them back and I'll have to stay at my relatives house until they come back. Exams, ugh.

3. This Tuesday morning, I was at school, sitting in the open hall when 3 of my friends finally arrived and joined me. One of them said that her feet felt ticklish so she hit her left foot on the ground and said, in a calm tone I might add: "cockroach". Now, because I was paying attention to the tiny piece of cardboard on the floor next to where she hit her foot, it took me a couple of seconds to realise what was actually the cause of her ticklishness. Next thing my 2 other friends and I knew ( one of whom had the same thoughts as me and diverted her attention to that damned cardboard ), a small cockroach came flying out of our friend's shoe, back against the floor and struggling to get back on its feet(?). We were so shocked that we immediately backed away and watched as the cockroach slowly stopped moving and appeared to be dead. Just as we thought it was dead and sighed in relief, it started to wiggle its feet(?) again, as if to prove that it's not dead just yet. As we kept our distance, a few students whom were walking by us didn't seem to notice the struggling cockroach on the floor. Some of them almost stepped on it and after a minute or 2,  one of them eventually accidentally kicked it, enabling it to get back on its feet(?) again and scurry away in a hurry. We were so scared that we backed away the minute it got kicked. 

THAT'S NOT ALL THOUGH. When we decided to sit back down, it CAME BACK and climbed the pillar behind us and just stayed there. Not wanting to live in fear for much longer, we decided to leave the open hall to the assembly grounds. 

My friend said that the reason there was a cockroach in her shoe was because when she was in her house with the lights off, she felt something drop onto her neck. So, she brushed it off, not thinking much about it as her transport driver arrived at the exact moment. And the rest, is history. Needless to say, this experience has scarred me to the point when my foot felt ticklish in school today, I had to stop and check if there was a cockroach in my shoe or not. Turns out, it was a piece of rubber though I have no idea where it came from.

4. Extra co-curricular activities have become more and more dictatorship/military-like that it makes it hard for me to enjoy them anymore. Take last Wednesday for example. We had a singing competition during co-curriculum and normally it lasts for 3 hours but this time, a very very short-tempered teacher came and stop the competitors midway, screamed for us to go down to the open hall in the microphone or the competition wouldn't continue. When we were busy complaining, she screamed again, to the annoyance of a lot of students. We did leave, in the end, and were forced to sit in the open hall in order to let the people in charge take our attendance. 

In short, there have been a lot of restrictions lately that essentially spoils everyone but the higher-ups' ( teachers, principal etc ) mood and in my opinion, I don't think anyone would be surprised if the numbers of students attending extra co-curricular activities drastically decreases. School, get your sh*t together.


That's all that I can think of for now, my memory isn't that good ><

Till my next post.

Bye.

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