Acceptance.

I'm... slowly learning to accept the change in my life. It's scary but endurable..

It's not like I can twist the hands of Father clock and go back in time anyway so I may as well.. accept. Be content.

I really am trying. 

I have to thank the teacher for basically making 2014 a turning point in my life by doing what she did. Now I have no one to hold me back, I have someone who accepts my weirdness and sometimes manages to push me out of my shell, I have a new title I have to embrace and a new perspective on high school. 

What turned out to be a nightmare has eventually transformed into this wonderful, beautiful, incredible dream I wouldn't want to wake up from.

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A very very long rant

As you can tell by the title, I'm about to start writing a very, VERY long rant.
See earlier this night I was lectured by my mom about the things I post on Facebook. She said most of them were filled with anger and hate and that she couldn't understand WHY I would post things like that since I was raised in a "happy" environment. She also said a person's postings reflected on said person's personality, and judging by my postings, it was as if I were someone who hated the world and felt like everybody owed me something. Not only that, she went on to assume that the reason I post what I post is because I want to come off as "cool" to others.

Let me clarify that not EVERY teenager posts things for the sake of coming off as "cool" in the eyes of their peers. It's ridiculous how often parents generalize and misunderstand us teens based on their observations as well as their friends' and/or relatives'. I for one post angry, sarcastic, condescending posts because I want to release all the negative emotions bottled up inside of me before my mouth starts pouring out curse words towards the people who were unfortunate enough to be in the same room with me, NOT because I want to be this "cool" kid.

Another clarification I have to make is that just because I'm being raised in a positive environment doesn't necessarily mean that I won't be affected by the negative things that are surrounding me on a daily basis. School is the main culprit here. The internet is a close second. When I'm in school, I have tests I have to be worried over, I experience pain, I experience bullying, I experience sadness etc, it's impossible to NOT be affected when all these emotions start to form inside of me. Besides school, when I'm on the internet, I see stupidity everywhere that it's hard for me to resist the urge to want to tweet some condescending tweet or post a sarcastic post, I read negative articles that involve people getting bullied, committing suicide, dying etc. The negatives in my life kind of overpower the positives sometimes and it's quite hard to ignore them.

But I do try, I do. I go on with a smile- in public of course- and act like everything's "okay", ignore the negatives, focus on the positives. But let's be real here, I'm just a teen. All of the negatives are bound to slip through the cracks somehow and relentlessly torture me until I'm this emotional wreck who wants to stay in bed all day and avoid interacting with humans who won't understand, or even TRY to understand all these blasted emotions.

Life's hard, but you gotta move on. And goddammit I AM TRYING, I just wish people, preferably my own FAMILY would stop preventing me from doing so by ASSUMING THINGS and bringing up my past mistakes. 

Anyway, I'm so lazy to proofread this so I'll just post it and maybe edit this one day, I don't know.

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Jealous

I'm jealous. Of whom? I shall not speak of the person's name but what I will say is that it's a 
"she". And before you jump into a conclusion which involves me having a crush on someone who's taken and that's why I'm jealous of a girl, let me just clarify that this has nothing to do with a boy. 
(plus the only people I have a crush on right now are either woobin or woohyun who don't even know I exist *coughs coughs* )

This person.. She's not perfect but I can't help but feel a little bit jealous just BECAUSE she isn't perfect. Despite all of her flaws, I somehow managed to make myself become jealous of her. Why? I mean why the hell would I be jealous of someone whose flaws may just scare away the next person that walks by?

BECAUSE. Because I envy how even though she's been bullied, teased, had her confidence shattered many times etc, she's still a tough-spirited person who doesn't give a f*ck about her haters, who doesn't care about embarrassing herself in front of others, who has loads of connections despite her bad rep, who... I can't do this, I just can't continue because the more I write the more pathetic I feel.

She's someone I want to become but never will and seeing her every freaking monday-friday just kills me because looking at her is a constant reminder of how I will never become someone like her ( well, leaving out her flaws and all ). Even on weekends, seeing her facebook updates and the comments she gets from people who I've always thought could make great acquaintances but I know would never feel the same way about me is quite annoying. 

I'm just sick of being jealous of someone else's life all the time. I wish I could turn my life around but I know I'm not capable of doing that here. Maybe when I go to college one day but there's a long way to go before that. For now, I kinda have to accept my fate as the pushover, the girl who got embarrassed and bullied, the quiet one, the ugly one blah blah blah whatever. Can fate get any more annoying.

If my life could change once I'm out of this stupid high school filled with the most obnoxious people I've ever met, then that'd be awesome. Really, really awesome.

EDIT 10 | 01 | 2018: Oh God Oh God Oh GOD...

As cringy as these posts are, I have to hold myself back from deleting them because I remember deleting old posts and regretting them a few years later.

I think I can assess how much I've grown from these blog posts of mine. I mean I haven't grown much, I'm still as self-centred as ever, still as bitchy as ever, but with minor improvements. I think. What am I even saying right now...

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CONFLICTS

Conflicts often occur when you're in a group situation.

Hey blog, I'm sorry to have neglected you for so long. Today I'm going to talk about the conflicts I've been facing lately in school.
You see, ever since I've changed classes (against my will), I've been forced to adapt to new surroundings, new personalities, new.. everything. It's been 2 months now and I find myself struggling to adapt to everything "new" that's been thrown at me.

To be frank, I'm quite used to my old surroundings, heck I've been in the same surroundings for 3 years so that's normal of me. Seeing the same faces, same personalities, being surrounded by the people who understood me for 3 years. How comfortable those times were.

Those comfy days are long gone now.

The people who understood me were in a different class as I was, the old faces I've gotten familiar with are slowly leaving, one by one thus leaving me in a strange environment with strange new people - People who found me to be either annoying or weird, people who don't want to understand the way I function as a human being, people who'd rather hang on to the past than accept people like me etc.

It's frustrating, really.

Let's get into the main reason why I wanted to create this post.

Being a student, merit points or any points at all are quite important to me. I try to gain as many as possible because it's better to have many points as backup in case I screw up and the teachers decided to deduct some of my points. This gives me room to make mistakes, which sorta eases my nerves a little.

Having said that, I decided to earn merit points by joining this group activity in which our job was to decorate the notice boards in the English lab due to the horrendous job the last group of, err,  "decorators" made. IMO, they made the boards look boring and unappealing. Here's where the conflict starts.

A girl and I (there are 6 girls in total) wanted to have a British sort of vintage theme to give the English lab a classy, elegant vibe. I mean, we ARE using British English and worshipping anything that has to do with British English instead of American English. Even the teacher herself said she prefers British English over any other species (heh) of English.
BUT the problem is that the remaining girls wanted to do this cartoonish theme instead.

I mean seriously, a cartoonish theme for the English lab? A place where important teachers come and go almost every day? A place where students go for English lessons? It seems to me that they aren't appealing to the majority of people in this school but rather, themselves. It pleases them to use a cartoonish theme because they LIKE it, but have they ever thought of whether or not others would like it? Where is the sense of maturity high schoolers are supposed to have?

And of course since this is a democratic group and majority wins, we're going with the cartoonish theme with a plain twist to it, that is cartoonish titles with articles sporting plain fonts stapled underneath. But do I have a say? No because any opinions I have on the matter are swept beneath the rug forcing me to act as if I agree and have no objections. Plus any objections I make would ruin my image as "the kind girl who is a pushover".

Now now, THAT was sarcasm. I don't mind a single bit if my image was tarnished due to my objections so long as I'm comfortable with doing this GROUP PROJECT. EMPHASIS ON THE WORD "GROUP". However, if I am to adapt to these new surroundings and make new friends, I've realised that I should swallow my words for the time being.

Man do I feel like quitting. I've thought about this once or twice. The merit points are tempting to be very very honest... But is this really worth me pulling out my hair over? Is it? I've never been one to do something I didn't like doing, should I give in?

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS but no answers are thrown. Looks like I'll have to think this over.

sigh, if only I were in my older surroundings, if only I'd appreciated what was given to me back then.


TO BE CONTINUED__________________?

EDIT 10 | 01 | 2018: Oh god, I was such a... bitch back then. I mean I still am now but wow old Jojo. 

In the end, things turned out quite well. Different from what I had envisioned but still, not too bad. We even got praised from our English teacher.

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Cupcakes.

CUPCAKES

More specifically, Devil's Food cupcakes.

Staying at home can be quite boring, especially during the holidays. I've done almost everything I planned on doing, I've slept long enough hours, and I've wasted many hours doing useless stuff. 

I figured it's time I changed that and do something more.. productive and enlightening.

I love to bake stuff. I've baked red velvet cupcakes once last year, baked chocolate chip cookies twice this year and unfortunately I failed (they were too soft for my liking). Baking brings joy to a person like me who, has a sweet tooth and spends countless hours on youtube watching other people bake cupcakes, cakes, cookies, pies - you name it. 

It's time I get baking too, instead of watching others have fun baking desserts while I sit in front of the laptop screen feeling both hungry and miserable.

After spending way to much time searching for a recipe which is not only easy to do but also has a tasty outcome, I've finally found the recipe I needed.

||I'm going to be using pillsbury devil's food cake mix instead of making the cupcakes from scratch. The purpose of this post is to save everything I researched for future references.||

Ingredients

Cupcakes:

1 3/4

cups devil's food cake mix (about 1 2/3 cups)

1/2

cup water

1/4

tablespoons vegetable oil

1

egg

Frosting:

• 1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks or ½ pound), softened (but not melted!) Ideal texture should be like ice cream.
• 3-4 cups confectioners (powdered) sugar, SIFTED
• ¼ teaspoon table salt
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• up to 4 tablespoons milk or heavy cream

SERVINGS: 12

LINKS to the cupcake & buttercream recipes:

• http://www.pillsbury.com/recipes/hot-chocolate-cupcakes/0a9538e7-8659-4b1c-844f-d51ea981ffe0
• http://savorysweetlife.com/2010/03/buttercream-frosting/

I'll be making these next Monday.

Until then, back to watching Youtube videos.. ∞

UPDATE 8|8|2014: Ah, I remember that day when I baked these cupcakes.

Instead of using vegetable oil, I used peanut oil and it resulted in the cupcakes having a hint of peanut flavour in them which made them sort of non-appetizing. As for the buttercream.. yeah, we failed at making the buttercream too. 

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And the award goes to... Girls' Generation!

#YTMA

So guess what I'm going to be talking about today.

Need a hint? It has something to do with Girls' Generation owning western fandoms' asses during the YTMAs.

Now, whenever I wake up, the first thing I do is... open my eyes. Lol.

On a serious note though, AFTER I open my eyes and brush my teeth and all that stuff you do in the mornings, I go on twitter to be up to date on things that i've missed while I was sleeping.

Imagine waking up to a fanwar between western fandoms and the kpop fandom.

It was a really displeasing sight to see tbh because us kpoppers seriously don't need to take this bullsh*t from them. The racist comments, the negative energy, the "girls' generation who?" jokes, everything, just EVERYTHING.

So here's what I have to say about this situation (Although I'm not a Sone): SNSD won fair and square. WHY? Because sones united as one and voted for "I got a boy" in hopes that their goddesses would win.

Instead of being arrogant assh*les and ASSUMING that their idols would win, they voted and voted and voted and SNSD eventually won in the end. (Whilst some lazy asses are out there complaining their butts off.)

Ya' know what they say, "United we stand, divided we fall". THAT's what makes a fandom. That line is something fandoms should take note upon because if the people in the fandom aren't united, they might as well crumble overtime and fall apart. If you guys can't be united and vote for let's say Justin, 1D or Gaga TOGETHER then it's not a surprise they didn't win.

||hehe, what's funny is that if you take away the 3 million votes from snsd, they'll still win anyways||

And just so you know, claiming that YTMA is rigged is just stupid and childish. It's obvious you don't want to admit that your little wittle artists aren't as good as the non-American singers.

Boo-Hoo GET OVER IT.

Here's a tip: try VOTING as a united fandom next time k? 

It's not our fault your fandom sucks at voting.

//ugh I'm ranting and ranting and I forgot half the things I wrote lol. There may be some irrelevant things up there plus some grammar mistakes but I'm too lazy to read it over because it's 1.30 in the morning and I just had to get this off of my chest before I sleep.

I wanna sleep with peaceful thoughts.

Since I'm so sleep deprived I guess I should end this here but I MAY come back to edit this post and hopefully whatever I write then will make more sense than whatever I wrote up there.

If you're offended then Boo-Hoo, I have the rights to say what I want to say and if you're going to bash me well then be my guest. 

Anyway, good night.//

[UPDATE: unfortunately for me though, the need to rant has disappeared and when it does, I can't really write anything on that particular topic anymore. So, I guess I'll just leave this unfinished product here and hope that there won't be any articles like this in the near future.]

∞

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Things I need to buy in Japan

LIST4JAPAN

Basically, this is a list of things I need to buy while I'm in Japan~

• I found an Etude House in Tokyo = (Etude House B1F 3-38-1 Shinjuku, Shinjuku Lumine store in Shinjuku, Tokyo ) And since the things sold in Japan are usually a little cheaper compared to my country(EDIT: so my mom told me that Japan's stuff aren't cheaper if the stuff aren't made in Japan), I'm gonna be patient and wait till then to purchase Etude House's Rose Rosy Tint Lips in Before Blossom and/or After Blossom.
• Green Tea Kit Kat(OUT OF SEASON) || Strawberry Kit Kat || Meiji white chocolate || Meiji Green Tea chocolate || Rilakkuma KitKat
• Hopefully my mom forgets the whole "pokemons are monsters and you have been brainwashed" theory and allows me to buy an eeve or vaporeon figurine.
• TOTORO.
• Shingeki No Kyojin(?) / Kuroko No Basuke & Kanisame Hajimemashita(?) stuff for cousins in exchange for european/australian chocolate (yes I'm addicted to chocolate, don't judge me I'm underweight) x4
• http://www.seriouseats.com/assets_c/2011/05/20110503-japanese-snacks-chocolate-meiji-petit-assortment-thumb-560x400-158007.jpg
• 
  

-I'll update the list soon-

TO_BE_CONTINUED_________________

UPDATE 8|8|2014: Looking back at this post, I've realised that I did manage to get a few of the items listed above such as:

1. Green Tea Kit Kat at the airport at the VERY LAST MINUTE (THANK LORD FOR THAT) 
2. Strawberry Kit Kat
3. Meiji White Chocolate
4. Shingeki No Kyojin x1
5. Kuroko no Basuke x I don't remember how many

And that's about it.

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